the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
