I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
