We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
