Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
you have to choose: penises or morals?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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