Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
