So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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