Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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