Midget sex pt 2 tonight
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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