dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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