Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
