You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
