Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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