i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize