she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
