Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
