I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
