im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i may or may not be watching the land before time
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize