Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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