8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
