I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
