We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
