I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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