So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
