She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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