Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
