yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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