watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Randomize
