She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
