I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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