My underwear smells like fireworks.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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