totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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