he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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