I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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