So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
