She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
