I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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