ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
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