The maid of honor just puked.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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