sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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