i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You brought string cheese to the strip club
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
