Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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