I feel great
I just peed on a car
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
