gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize