True but thats because hes a fetus.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
