Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize