the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
My pussy is not your playground.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
