I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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