at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
