I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
