I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
It's official drugs can't kill me
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
