this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
