You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
