Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
