Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
