I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
