If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
