apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
being pregnant is like rehab
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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