Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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