Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
