Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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