First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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