So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
