dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
