Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
