This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
