If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
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