Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
