I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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