who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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