Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
