garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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