so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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