Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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