Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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