So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
