I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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