My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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