Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
