you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
