Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize
