I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
they're like a gay fantastic four
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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