my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
