I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize